Cozy Cabins In The Northern Kremisphere
Analyzing the cabin design and economy of the Brothers Bear.
Donkey Kong Country 3: Dixie Kong's Double Trouble! is one of my favorite video games, ever. If you don’t know why, read here at this link first.
I love everything about this video game. I’m in love with the CGI "Silicon Graphics" and the art of Mark Stevenson. I have to collect anything merchandise related to Donkey Kong Country 3, and I consider “The Player’s Guide” as an art book. Since I was 10, I always wanted to get lost in the world of the “Northern Kremisphere” and live there.
Take a look at this beautiful, rendered map. It’s like a fever dream on a summer day at sunset in 1996:
It’s a gorgeous work of art. It represents both the meme of “Cottagecore” and the aesthetics of “Filmationcore.” While not about idealized Thomas Kinkade-esque realities or Eurocentric rural life, the Northern Kremisphere takes Cottagecore and adds a unique English spin to it, along with proto-CGI art and Seattle to Vancouver world-building. I dub this art movement and aesthetic “Kremisphere.” This is the second article I ever wrote about the Kremisphere art movement. Just like like any other order like “solar punk,” “silkpunk,” and previously mentioned “Cottagecore,” Kremisphere separates itself from the former in that it focuses on the world and hypothetical reality of Donkey Kong Country 3 as the aesthetic and ideology. All Kremisphere art could be confused as lost worlds or clones of Donkey Kong Country 3.
With that being said, I would like to focus on The Brothers Bear and the cabins, or houses, that they live in. I love the cabins that each bear lives in, and how they can call the Northern Kremisphere, “home.” In addition to the interior design of each house, each bear has their establishment, and unique household name, and operates services and transactions around a small economy. 13 bears, in total, live in the Northern Kremisphere and peacefully co-exist in a market socialist society.
Those bears are named Barter, Bazaar, Blue, Blunder, Blizzard, Bazooka, Barnacle, Baffle, Bramble, Brash, Benny, Björn, and Boomer.
Each bear has a unique personality, has a specific service, and lives in a unique cabin. I would like to analyze each cabin and judge how cozy each one is.
Let’s begin…
Barter’s Swap Shop
Barter lives near a snowy mountain named “K3.” So it gets often cold where he is. Barter, however, has a beautiful view of the lake near. He also has some pine trees in his backyard.
Inside the cabin, he sells tradesmen tools. Barter is in it for profit, and often in it for bear coins. This is problematic for his other bear brothers, but this likely explains why he lives in a cold area. His cabin has three barrels and a window peaking outside. The view of the lake is beautiful, but it’s the only selling point. A very boring cabin that needs a huge makeover.
Cabin rating: 2/5. **
Bazaar's General Store
Bazaar’s cabin is pretty pimp tight. He does not care about profit like Barter Bear does. He sells a good inventory and could care less if he makes anything from it, like a rich kid erecting a pop-up Anarchist bookstore in Bushwick.
Just look at what he sells:
Shell – 5 bear coins
Mirror – 50 bear coins
Information about Kastle Kaos – 2 bear coins
Information about secret caves – 13 bear coins
…Cool right? This bear is a laid-back Sophist and loves it.
His shop is in an amazing location, and he has all the common resources available to him, including playing video games at the “save cave” and going to Funky’s Rentals to rent out a boat and have fun.
He keeps all the cool shit in the back and enjoys the outside when he wants to. I want his cabin and resources.
Cabin rating: 5/5. *****
Blue's Beach Hut
My homie here is decked out in blue. He’s got the best beach location, likely goes swimming most of his time, and even he’s blue himself! However, he is sad most of the time and depressed he can’t enjoy what he’s got.
He’s got a telescope and can look at the night sky. That’s cool. Other than that, this bear wants to kill himself. I wouldn’t want to hang with him for too long, as it could affect your mood too.
If this property becomes abandoned, I would love to live here. For now, you can only enjoy this cabin as a beach resort. Awesome, but not everything.
Cabin rating: 3/5. ***
Blunder's Booth
Blunder has a nice place. Isolated to the southeast, but has a walkable trail back to society. Ideally, it’s good for the elite who want a gated community. Blunder’s book collection is tight, and I’m sure he’s got a real syllabus for any desert island intellectualism. While he may sell books, he gives out wisdom for free. A true intellect.
Again, the house is a little far away. Not ideal to go grocery shopping and walk back. However, it’s a great place to record an album or write a new novel. A fantastic artistic retreat with a great view of the nearby lake.
Cabin rating: 4/5. ****
Blizzard's Basecamp
I never understood why people move to Denver or Alaska. If you enjoy the snow or some kind of aspiring snowboarder or hiker, I get it. But how many average people enjoy the snow? Not me. Blizzard’s “basecamp” has a niche surrounding. He likely built the cabin himself and pays zero taxes living there.
This cabin is more bluer than Blue’s cabin, and Blizzard is not suicidal! Blizzard likes his bear friends but rather seeks isolation more than anything.
I sure wouldn’t want to be freezing my ass off every day and pretending I’m Dick Proenneke. Not the best cabin to represent the Northern Kremisphere, and meant as a winter resort.
Cabin rating: 1/5. *
Bazooka's Barracks
Bazooka has an average cabin by a lake full that is contaminated. However, he’s got access to a cannon and likely is a paranoid boomer who will shoot if you enter his property out of the “castle doctrine.” Bazooka shows off all his army rewards and nostalgic prints about his past. I don’t exactly know what he does for a living, but likely retired.
All he cares about is shooting guns and talking army stuff. If I had to take over the cabin, I would turn it into a library or museum. Not an idealistic property, other than the fact you get a canon, which bumps up my rating by one.
Cabin rating: 2/5. **
Barnacle's Island
“Umm, hello? Based Department? Yeah, there is this Jean-Paul Sartre-looking bear that lives on an island. You have to check it out.”
Personally, one of my favorite cabins in the Northern Kremisphere. Not only do you get a cozy cabin, but an entire island in the center of the community!
Barnacle owns a shell collection and only cares about expanding it. I could create a board game museum on this island if I were him!
He also collects cool shit and is about bartering. Barnacle’s Island would be a great place to host a philosophy convention or music festival. Again, similar to Blunder’s Booth, great works of art can be produced here. This is both a cabin and an island I want to own!
Cabin rating: 5/5. *****
Baffle's Code Room
Baffle is another intellect, similar to Blunder, who is into analytical philosophy, Frege, Martin Gardner, Eurogames, and obscure textbooks. He is very well-read and only cares about writing another dissertation about debunking Noam Chomsky. Baffle is only interested in a mirror that can help him solve a code. It may be true that he has autism. I’m not sure.
The location of the cabin is hidden at the northeast end of the Northern Kremisphere. Not a great location, but Baffle has the freedom to work on intellectual pursuits. His resources go into studying and collecting books.
I’m not sold on the cabin, as like Blunder’s place, it’s even more far to reach any grocery store and walk back. It’s dark outside all the time, and it would turn you into a hermit. What you do with the cabin is up to you.
Cabin rating: 2/5. **
Bramble's Bungalow
Bramble is a botanist and obsessed with flowers. He is another intellectual hermit just like Blunder, Baffle, and to some extent, Blizzard. Note all these bears love being isolated and minding their own business. But Bramble’s location is superb. While not in Cotton Top Cove, it is nearby, and as well that Bramble has boat access to most major areas.
There is nothing special about the inside of the cabin, other than it’s green and he likely has tons of flowers and plants in his backyard. Aesthetically, it’s a great location to have. I’m not a fan of flowers, but Bramble seems to enjoy his life and especially enjoys outdoor activities. If it wasn’t for the green interior, I would bump this rating up to a five. The cabin just needs a sofa or something.
Cabin rating: 4/5. ****
Brash's Cabin
Brash is a jerk. I guess he’s a Chad. He loved working out and placed his cabin in the forest so he could jog and grow muscles every day. It’s quaint and nice for sure. But just like Bazooka, Brash loves to credentials and trophies he has earned. He doesn’t have time to chill at his pad and is rather outside working out, like Blizzard.
I would like the sunset here. But again, not the best cabin. Very average. Needs more furnishing.
Cabin rating: 2/5. **
Benny & Björn's Chairlift
These two brothers have a business going on. I like it. Two properties as one. Very unique. They both love ABBA too.
My only concern is that the chairlift will often break, and will need a monthly checkup. Like Blizzard, these brothers must love the snow and the high mountain peaks. It’s fun for the first minute to ride the chairlift and then becomes utterly boring as a lifestyle. Location-wise, it’s still very niche.
If you are into discovery and going into secret caves, there’s a lot to uncover with these two cabins. Otherwise, just because there are two cabins, does not mean they are cozy.
Cabin rating: 3/5. ***
Boomer's Bomb Shelter
Boomer loves to blow things up. He’s not a “boomer” per se, but in name only. Like Bazooka, he loves talking about his meritocracy when it comes to blowing things up. His cabin is far off from the Northern Kremisphere and treats his home as a walk-in business. Like Blue’s place, he does have access to a lake, but the lake is still contaminated. It’s not for swimming.
It’s a good place to hide stuff in, but otherwise, it’s a secret place hidden away from the true beauty of the Northern Kremisphere.
Not the best place. Hardly a cozy home.
Cabin rating: 1/5. *
…and that’s all the cabins!
This isn’t to say my opinions are ultimate about how you, the reader, should see the cabins. Coziness is subjective. Maybe there is use for the lower-tier rated cabins in the Kremisphere movement? There are only 13 bears that rule over this land, and all of them mostly want to be left alone in a libertarian fashion. What matters is the coziness and the economy that benefits the living standards of escaping into a Kremisphere reality. This isn’t the final word on the Brothers Bears. This is only a brief analysis of the cabins and the bear’s own living space. The concept of the living space is important in understanding Cottagecore, and as well creating better around within Kremisphere.
I suggest playing Donkey Kong Country 3 further understanding how their economy works, and questioning if they are living in cozy spaces.
-pe
2-21-2023
Love this article