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What is a Lizard?
Original post by rubycalaber
Original post by rubycalaber. Written sometime in 2014. Often this article is used as an explanation for his website, www.rubycalaber.com, otherwise known as “Tantytown,” “Rubynet,” “Rubyforum,” “YTMND forums,” “NSFW YTMND forums,” or sometimes “The Herpatarium.” An important piece about a radical and queer internet subculture!
To fully utilize the Lizard Lexicon you must understand what a Lizard is. The closest term in wide use would probably be "white trash", a Lizard is arguably a sub-set of the white trash stereotype differentiated by the "uncanny valley" vibe caused by their abject failure to integrate into any group and inherently malignant nature. Please note that the author of this thesis is white themselves and it is impossible to be racist against white people anyway.
History of the Term
The derogatory term "Lizard" was originally coined on the YTMND forums in 2005 to mean an outsider trying to infiltrate the community. It was based off of "reptilian invasion" conspiracy theories and how only outsiders who did not understand the trolling culture of the forums would have positive reputation points (displayed as green bars under the username, like green scales on a lizard) as almost all the regular users had negative reputation points (red bars) from successfully getting each other angry.
In 2010 there was an influx of new users to the YTMNSFW forums from forums such as Reject Haven, They Banned Me, General Mayhem, Troll Kingdom, My Epic Drama Site, Post Anything Legal, Super Mensa, Mock Forums and Bastard Factory. These were a network of forums centered around a community that's uniting theme was often being banned from other forums. They prided themselves on disrupting and manipulating other forums but were banned most often for simply being annoying. Ergo this community attracted users who both enjoyed trolling but were not adept at grasping the social mechanics of other communities. Because some of these forums were managed by a woman who used the username "Iguana Goddess", due to her pet iguana, the Lizard term had a massive resurgence in use.
As this new breed of "Lizard" poster appeared more frequently it became readily apparent that the term was more fitting than could have been predicted. Not only did they genuinely attempt to infiltrate other online communities like the reptilian aliens of conspiracy lore, something that was only joked about happening to our community in the past, but this type of poster's defining features were their dysfunctional set of behaviors related to the amygdala. Since this part of the brain is present in most land animals and our distant evolutionary ancestors it has been given the nickname the "Lizard Brain". Please note that none of this is a joke or a gimmick and these people really do have about five different things to do with them based around lizards.
As this group of posters have been observed over the last five years it has become apparent that Lizards are not just a specific group of posters or even a message board archetype but a category of people that is all too prevalent in real life
Essential Lizard Factors
All three of these factors are required for a person to be defined as a Lizard.
Detrimental to Others
The most important factor of a Lizard is being detrimental to other people. A person could have every single one of the other factors listed on this page and not be considered a Lizard. Detrimental could be defined as overt anti-social behavior such as physical violence and property crime, covert malicious behavior such as pervasive deceitfulness and manipulation or more passive dysfunction such as forming dependent relationships or attracting enablers. Usually it is a mix of all. The detriment could be either interpersonal, such as bullying or not giving back borrowed property, or societal, such as welfare fraud or wasting healthcare resources. Again it is usually all. The detriment can sometimes be unintentional, although it's never always unwitting, however discerning the culpability of Lizards is difficult due to the following factor.
"Lizard Brain" Thinking
In most mammals, birds and reptilians the amygdala of the brain is responsible for the flight or fight mechanism, fear, anger, anxiety and impulse control. When a human has an over-active amygdala it results in lowered empathy, difficulty planning for the future, distress when delaying gratification, a lack of self-discipline, learning through emotional experiences rather than intellectual understanding and overall being driven by negative feelings. These symptoms can sometimes become so severe they manifest as mental disorders. All Lizards have poor mental health, often suffering from a variety of personality, psychiatric, developmental and learning disorders. Most common are Anti-Social Personality Disorder, Hystironic Personality Disorder, Bipolar Affective Disorder, Schizophrenia and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.
Current neurological research indicates that this is caused by experiencing several adverse childhood experiences and growing up in an unstable and dangerous home environment. This has been noted in every single case of Lizardness. The "Lizard Brain" operates by identifying threats extremely quickly via pattern recognition and overrides the more complex long term orientated emotional experiences of the Limbic system and the conscious thought processes of the Neocortex to cause immediate self preservation behavior. So if a person is exposed to too many distressing stimuli too often at an early age their "Lizard Brain" will adapt to recognizing patterns of danger in the entire world and cause thought patterns suitable for survival situations and low resources environments such as selfishness and aggression without the person making a conscious decision to react in this way.
A Lizard is someone like this who fails to accept or attempt to change the primitive stunted nature of their thought process but rather disregards how it may effect others and live their lives by always putting on an act to appear normal or to fit in with a given group or person, compulsive lying, avoiding honesty and treating all interactions as a win/lose situation where a compromise or to concede are never options. But since they are all of low intelligence Lizards are extremely poor at social learning and logical analysis so fail to employ these behaviors beneficially for themselves and are rather highly detrimental to themselves in the long run and often even in the short run. Due to this way of thinking Lizards always resist self-knowledge and have very little practical understanding of their own mindset, usually preferring persecution delusions and self-aggrandizement to reflecting on their true mental state. Because of this factor it is unclear if Lizards can be considered actually human or to have free will. They are arguably less socially adjusted than most non-human mammals and truly function as reptiles reacting mainly on instinct with very limited learning abilities. It has been theorized that it is acceptable to genocide all Lizards since it couldn't even be considered animal abuse as they'd most likely be glad to die anyway.
Human intelligence is compromised of several elements such as problem solving abilities, information retention, knowledge application and learning speed and Lizards are bad at all of them. A Lizard is always fundamentally clueless, they can't understand other people or themselves, so they'll never truly comprehend any situation they find themselves in. They react on instinct. A Lizard's Lizard Brain will fight tooth and claw to prevent the Lizard from admitting that they are intellectually lacking so they will most likely never improve. On the contrary, Lizards will tell others and themselves that they are actually very smart and to maintain this defense mechanism will actually avoid attempting to learn new things to not experience the initial feeling inadequacy or unpreparedness one may feel when discovering a new subject. They will even get angry at you for trying to teach them new things rather than defer the gratification of maintaining their self-delusion for even a few seconds. They are literally worse than dogs which you can at least train.
This is the core trifecta of traits that classify a Lizard in the broadest sense. The McBurnie Triad if you would. Someone could be a sadistic sociopath but if they're of reasonable intelligence and able to function in society by holding down a respectable job and capable of fitting in with others they are just a regular evil person and not dysfunctional in enough capacities to be considered a Lizard. Someone could have this broken way of thinking and be stupid but who cares if they're not negatively effecting anyone else. A person could be stupid as hell and constantly ruining other peoples lives but if they're doing it by accident and not because of a malicious, selfish and dishonest way of thinking then they're just extremely incompetent and can't really be blamed. Only when all three factors apply to a person are they a Lizard.
Demographics with an extremely high correlation to Lizardness. None are essential for the definition but all are usually implied when the term is used in relation to internet culture.
Lizards are unanimously lower class. While it is theoretically possible for a Lizard to become wealthy through dishonorable means, exploitative arrangements or winning games of chance a Lizard will never ever earn enough honest money to improve their situation. It is also possible for someone born into a well off family and still be considered a Lizard if they were still of low cultural or social capital and displayed lower class behavior. Financial irresponsibility and failure to plan for their future are hallmarks of the Lizard condition. While a Lizard is usually very poor it is more the level of scummyness, or "scaffyness" in Scottish, than their current level of resources that informs their lower class status. Lizards are usually unemployed and dependent on lovers or the state for living expenses or have very low skill level jobs such as stripping or house painting.
All documented Lizards have been Caucasian. In theory there is no reason why a non-Caucasian couldn't be a Lizard but it just doesn't seem to be the case. Perhaps it is because quality of life in white nations and communities is on average the highest in the world so the worst examples of the white race have less of an "excuse" as they usually have it easier than other cultures and stick out more. Most Lizards are very racist and criticize other races for being dishonest and failing to contribute to society, ironically exactly how they themselves behave. This is "projecting", a common process with Lizards.
Almost all documented Lizards have been 35 years old or older. This may be because the average human life span in modern day developed countries is approximately 70 years old and in the first half of the life of someone with these negative traits there is still the possibility of turning their life around, but once a person is into the second half of their life it is far more likely they will be stuck in their ways forever. If there is even a perceptible chance of changing, "growing out of" or "cooling down from" the negative personality traits associated with being a Lizard then they cannot be truly defined as such until there is effectively no chance of change. The outdated vocabulary and creepy out of touch vibe is an important part of the Lizard. However there has been one exception to this observation, it became readily apparent that subject "rootbeer" is a Lizard a whole decade before the regular age cut-off period.
A Lizard can be from any first world country, or really any country within their own social contexts, but so far they have almost all been exclusively observed on the internet posting from either America or Australia, the two worst shitholes on Earth. Africa doesn't count because it's actually a portal to hell. All three start and end with As though. Makes you think. One Lizard, Rose West, is from New Zealand, which is basically Australia anyway.
A Lizard can be male, female or even transgendered you shitlord. There is a noticeable overlap in their malignant behaviors. You may assume that using sex for leverage and spreading gossip is a feminine form of dysfunction and physical violence and intimidation tactics are masculine, but Lizards of either gender have no problem employing any and all of these tactics.
Common Lizard Characteristics
These are factors that occur frequently with Lizards but are not essential to the definition or necessarily implied.
Lizards universally do not understand how the internet works. They first and foremost take online interactions very very seriously, while most people, especially people who seek out troll forums, usually consider it as frivolous entertainment. They also don't understand ironic humor at all, frequently use outdated or incorrect internet slang and memes, use obscure non-user friendly image hosting sites, refer to other users by their clearly humorous aliases instead of their already established online identities, change their own username so frequently it is hard for other users to know what to refer to them by, openly use multiple accounts at the same time for pointless reasons such as they had lost an argument using another account, make their account inoperable because they genuinely believe they are leaving the forum forever only to come back and need a new account for the 15th time, unironically care about a forum's pointless reputation system, make it very clear that they are angry in real life on a community based around getting others worked up and jump from forum to forum with disregard for it's quality, suitability for their needs or having to cultivate a new presence whenever they have a minor problem with their last frequented website. The most ridiculous example of this misunderstanding of internet usage is they have all shared their real name and phone numbers with each other; it is common to be able to simply call a Lizard on their land line if you wish to contact them and refer to them by their full real name. This may be common place on more respectable online communities but keep in mind these are people who pride themselves on being master manipulators who are willing to harass other users in real life so their lack of consideration for their own privacy is astounding. This all comes from a failure to gauge a website's or the larger internet's culture and to plan ahead. They are also very bad at operating a computer in general, so of course frequently boast about their proficiency in cyber stalking and hacking.
Since a Lizard is unable to develop a healthy romantic relationship based on emotional connection and mutual respect and will take any method of escapism to avoid the reality of their situation they are frequently extremely promiscuous. Two female Lizards have confessed to having over 200 male sexual partners however they both deny that this is significantly above average. Female lizards are usually into rough sex and willing to try virtually any sort of fetish or sexual play. Female Lizards are seemingly all bi-sexual but also surprisingly homophobic for women. Male Lizards are known to have sex with literally any woman who will let them regardless of their attractiveness, health or age. Male lizards have been noted to suffer from premature ejaculation from being so desperate. Lizards will repeatedly cheat and be apart of affairs. Sexual abuse is extremely common with Lizards. Lizards have very often been victims of sex crimes, molested as children, raped as adults, attempted to commit a sex crime and fetishize sexual violence. Lizards will often become sexually obsessed with one another, convincing themselves that they are madly in love with another of their kind, causing endless drama. Almost every Lizard has had cyber sex with every other Lizard of the opposite gender. Due to their inability to defer gratification for even a few seconds accidental pregnancies, abortions and STDs are very common.
Lizards are very often unable to keep themselves healthy in general as well as sexually. Their hygiene is usually very poor and their self-cleaning processes are sometimes odd and inefficient. Lizards very rarely exercise and if they do it is only with the goal of impressing others and with no regards to actually improving their health. Virtually all observed Lizards smoke and drink heavily, take narcotics and abuse prescription medications on a regular basis sometimes to the point of giving themselves brain damage. Lizards often have chronic health problems such as obesity and joint pain. When injured, assaulted or otherwise unwell a Lizard will usually delay seeking medical help as to not admit to themselves the dysfunctional nature of their lifestlye. Their living conditions are often bellow par, such as having a very cluttered house, hoarding useless items and garbage, abandoning DIY projects half way through leaving their residence unsafe, not bothering to fix holes in walls or broken doors or cover exposed piping or wiring and failing to clean their home so that pest infestations and mold gather. Lizards sometimes end up homeless, sleeping in community shelters or couch surfing they are so low functioning.
Edgy Sense of Style
Lizards frequently employ fashion choices and other purchases they consider accessories to their self-image to try and seem tough and rebellious. Examples include piercings, tattoos, dyed hair, goatee beards, shaved heads, leather jackets, workboots, confederate flag logos, alternative pets such as spiders and reptiles, media featuring violent anti-hero protagonists and riding motorcycles. Herpetologists have noted that motorcycle riding is highly correlated with being an absentee father. They also frequently join cliques as adults to further cultivate a rebel persona such as punk, juggalo, neo-nazi, circus, witchcraft, satanist or hate groups. Fittingly these are all very stereotypical attempts at counter-culture style and firmly conformist to certain sub-cultures and not actually truly edgy at all.
Lack of Travel
Only in one extremely severe case of Lizardness has a Lizard ever been recorded leaving their country of origin. It was for sex. They are usually far too poor to afford traveling and arrogant enough to think they already know everything about the world and wouldn't learn anything from visiting another country. This may aggravate their ignorance and failure to integrate even in their own society.
Lizardness as a Sexually Transmitted Infection
The seemingly sudden transformation after mating with a Lizard of subject "rootbeer" into one of the worst cases of Lizardness ever recorded lead leading herpetologists to theorize that Lizardness can be transmitted via sexual intercourse, but further research has concluded that the subject was already a Lizard and his intimate interaction with a fellow Lizard simply brought attention to his Lizardness. This does not mean that sexual relations with Lizards is safe for humans and is still STRONGLY advised against. It also brings attention to the startling reality that a Lizard does not need to be an outsider attempting to infiltrate your community, they could already be there and yet to be detected.
Never let your guard down to the Lizard menace.
The stories and information posted here are autistic works of fiction and falsehood. Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact or funny.
(posted by pilleater on 1-14-2022)